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All Things Equal: You Lose.

And with this trick, I shall unite the two pieces of my recently divided-in-half assistant... fuck.

University was scary at first but I think after two months I finally have a hold of it. I'm doing pretty good in my classes and I've made a few friends! Sometimes at night we go walking around climbing random structures and laughing about things. Theres a lot of free time so we've been exploring Vancouver quite bit. One weekend we even took the ferry to Vancouver Island. My job is still really fun. Even after a month the systems which combine to run the kitchen are really interesting to watch from the inside. October has been really great! Also theres this girl I've been talking to and I don't wanna jump the gun but it seems to be going somewhere... 👀

All of that was a joke.

University has been really hard. I always feel behind on everything. My sleep is terrible. I have no time to do the things I want to do. It is so incredibly difficult to do the things I have to do. I'm almost failing every test I do. After my CPSC 121 midterm which I BOMBED I felt so terrible I ran into and through the woods screaming punk songs to reset my hormone balance (sorry to any coyotes or birds I disturbed in my emotional agony). It was almost as dark as it possibly could be. Eventually I emerged from the other side of the forest to a strip mall kinda area. I didn't have any destination in mind but once there I decided to get a pizza. As I ate, I reflected on my new place in life: a failing student.

I took the bus home carrying the empty pizza box. I brought it back to my dorm - wrote on it - and mounted it on the wall.

I don't know how anyone else is doing and I don't know if I'm slacking or if I'm stupid. What I do know is that if all things are equal: I lose. I need to work harder than I have been if I want to win.

Alright, lets move on to things that aren't school!!!

Job

Unfortunately my almost daily two hour shift of returning washed dishes has "lost it's luster." I feel like all the problems have been solved. I think I know the most efficient ways to do everything I have the power to do. I've exhuasted all there is to learn about my role in the dishroom. For two hours every Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday I feel like I'm being pulled into another dimension. Anything that mattered outside the dishroomverse no longer has meaning. Here in the repetitive world of the dishroomverse - all that matters is the dishes. I trade ten hours a week in the loud, steamy, and mundane for the money.

There was a day I really enjoyed though. I trained another student! It was really fun for me to try and predict questions he might have and answer them before he had to ask. Trying to deliver all the information about the job in a more succinct way than it was delivered to me felt good. Also I taught him my epic cup stacking technique!!! I haven't seen him since then though so maybe he quit after his first day. 💀

I haven't really made that many friends

Great way to lighten the mood!. Theres a guy whos in a lot of my classes who talks to me and he is really nice and he also has a lot of friends. Other than that I pretty much don't have friends. Its all my fault obviously. If I tried more I could have made friends. But I didn't try and now the concrete has almost set ("concrete setting" refers to the walls between friendgroups becoming more rigid and less open if you did not get the very clever word play). I need to have friends because if I don't, university will SUCKKKK. Just like how high school sucked. University might even be worse because my friends are in different PROVINCES now. Not just high schools. I miss them so much. I feel like I hold friendship too sacred. The idea of making new friends kind of hurts me as if it would somehow insult the bond I have with my current friends. I barely talk to those friends anymore though. They have new friends.

NADDPOD LIVE

This was SO fun! Honestly the best part of it was seeing all the people who also enjoyed Not Another Dnd Podcast. Walking past the line of others adorned in 2 crew hats and band of boobs tees was just INCREDIBLE. It was PROOF that other people like me existed. It was so odd. I usually never get to talk about the things I like with anyone. Its why I love talking to myself (in diaries, on twitter, in Discord, with my Instant Grammer story,..) But today I was SURROUNDED by them. We all sat together, watched together, laughed together and cheered together. I EVEN TALKED TO TWO PEOPLE SITTING NEXT TO ME!!!! Well they started the conversation but I WAS COMPETENT ENOUGH TO HOLD IT FOR A WHILE AND IT WAS REALLY NICE SO THIS IS STILL A WIN!!!!!! They were a couple who had seen a few other live shows in the past. I'm pretty sure I was the youngest audience member. A LOT of the people there were couples. I honestly didn't expect that. Somehow the idea that couples could have shared interests surprises me. Even people coming with friends surprised me. Its probably because I've never gotten to do that with someone else before I gues- SHUT UP THIS ISN'T SUPPOSED TO GET SAD AGAIN. Okay okay uhhh... It was also really strange to see the cast of Naddpod. They are real people whaaa??? I sat far away and the entire theater was dark so honestly they could have not been there physically and I might not have been able to tell. They played EXACTLY like how they do in the podcast though. That sounds obvious but like shshhhhh. I wouldn't be able to play exactly the same if it were in front of a live audience of hundreds of people. Also before the show I went to the art gallery and got in for free cause I'm younger than 19! It was such a fun day. I went all out because I knew days like it would be rare. Lets hope November will bring more like it though!!!

TubbDoose